Inner Turmoil
by BabyAngel9614
Summary: All is peaceful in the castle at Drylliad, but the Ascendant King of Carthya is experiencing an inner turmoil that is anything but peaceful. Warning: Mature Audiences Only. Will contain explicit sexual encounters starting with chapter 5 and continuing throughout. Eventual boy on boy. Don't like, don't read.
1. Discomfort

**Author's Note:** _Hello, my beauties! So recently I started the Ascendance Trilogy and I am currently on chapter 2 of The Shadow Throne. Once I finished The Runaway King and I suddenly began shipping Jaron (Sage) and Roden. So here is my first fanfic smut for The Ascendance Trilogy, and as far as I can tell, it is also the first smut for this trilogy to be posted on here. I'm super excited to be doing this! It won't be the only pairing I do for this trilogy, so keep an eye out. And for my faithful readers who don't know this trilogy, I encourage you all to check out these books. The False Prince, The Runaway King, and The Shadow Throne are the three books in the Ascendance Trilogy written by Jennifer A. Nielsen._

_My faithful readers know that I always write in third person, but this time I am taking a different approach. These novels are originally written in first person, so it just made more sense for me to continue that. I started out in third person, but I suddenly found that I had switched to first person. Jaron has a lot of inner dialogue, so it is far easier for me to speak from first person._

**Summary:** _This takes place between The Runaway King and The Shadow Throne. Jaron, Roden, Fink, and Harlowe have all returned to the castle at Drylliad, leaving Imogen behind in Libeth to help with Nila. Jaron's leg is still slightly injured and still needs to be wrapped, the raid of Libeth has not happened, and neither has the war. Amarinda and Jaron have become friends, and Roden has settled into his role of Captain of the Army. All is peaceful in the castle at Drylliad, but the Ascendant King of Carthya is experiencing an inner turmoil that is anything but peaceful. _

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own The Ascendance Trilogy or any of the characters associated with the novels. They are the soul property of Jennifer A. Nielsen, and this fanfiction in no way represents her or her thoughts on the characters she created. _

* * *

"…had such a lovely time tonight." Amarinda smiled gently as I led her back to her quarters. I wasn't particularly listening to the princess, more worried about doing something more interesting than formal dinners and conversations. Amarinda saw I was distracted and pursed her lips. "Did you enjoy dinner?" She was really putting in an effort to get to know me, making herself get over Darius, but I still seemed distracted since my latest bout with the pirates at Tarblade Bay.

I forced himself to snap out of my stupor and smiled at the princess. "Yes. It was lovely." Then I was back in my own mind, wondering what I could get himself into after I left Amarinda. With my weak leg, I couldn't climb the way I used too, which really irritated me.

Finally, we were in front of Amarinda's quarters. Her vigils bowed low when they saw her and she politely curtseyed back before turning to me. "Good night, your Majesty." She smiled and curtseyed to me as well.

I politely bowed to her and kissed her hand gently. "Good night, Amarinda. I will see you tomorrow." And with that, I walked away.

I had been shut inside this damned castle for weeks now, only going out on social calls with Amarinda when it was absolutely necessary. I was literally itching just to be out of doors. I walked down the halls and out unto the courtyard to where the soldiers were being trained. Roden was in the middle of a group of three young soldiers, wielding a sword and showing them how to fight. I decided to stop and watch the demonstration. Roden was shirtless and sweat was clinging to his torso like tiny jewels glowing in the sun. The golden glow of the setting sun made him look even more tan, like something out of mythology. He was a very talented swordsman, only outmatched by myself, this being proved on a couple of different occasions that he and I had agreed to not talk about again, and the boys looked on in wonder as he swung the sword over his head before sinking the blade into a hay mannequin before him. There was a hushed awe over the boys and I couldn't help but grinned. I stood for several minutes, watching my Captain train the troops.

After a while, I began shifting from one foot to the other, feeling a familiar uncomfortableness in the pit of my stomach. Truthfully, I was still very young for my position, just barely entering into young adulthood. Not only did I have to deal with the challenges of running an entire country, but I also had to deal with the changes in my own body. Ever since I was taken to Farthenwood all those months ago, I could feel the changes coming over me like a slowly rising tide. At first, I would get this warm tickle in the pit of his stomach whenever I would see Imogen, a girl about my age that worked as a servant for Connor. That feeling soon grew into a hot ache that would pang through my stomach whenever she got too close and I could smell her flowery scent. Since coming to the palace as Jaron, I was able to use the royal library and soon figured out that what I was feeling was unfortunately perfectly normal. Just something else I would have to deal with until it passed. Now however, it was almost unbearable. That pain had worked its way into my loins and I could feel a tightness in the front of his trousers, but I had no idea where these feelings were coming from. Imogen was in Libeth, Amarinda was too reserved to stir these feelings deep within me, and none of the young women on the palace staff had caught my eye. I had read that these feelings would pique and become even more sensitive before they died down, but I hadn't expected them to be this severe. Being the king, I could easily have my way with any woman in Carthya I wished, but I had more respect for myself and Amarinda than that. The two of us were being forced to marry sometime soon and produce heirs for the throne, and neither of us were happy about that, but that didn't give me the right to have a concubine. I knew most of my regents had at least one lady in waiting that they preferred above the rest, but I was not at all like them. I sighed and concentrated harder on the training before me, but the more I watched Roden the more that dull ache crept into my stomach and I couldn't figure why.

"Your Highness," Harlowe's voice coming from behind him made Jaron start and he turned to face his prime regent. "I have some documents here that need your approval." I signed and followed Harlowe through the palace and into the throne room.

Several hours later, I was finally released from that prison. Harlowe and my other regents had gone on and on about laws that needed to be passed, criminals that needed to be judged, and royals I needed to schmooze in order to gain allies. By the time I was allowed to leave, I was completely worn out and utterly on edge. My newfound sexuality was ruthless and I couldn't catch a break. More than once I found myself tuning out the speeches made by the regents as my mind began painting lustful images of beautiful women and explicit actions. After two hours, I had to absolutely force myself to keep my mind out of the gutter and concentrate on the bills being presented to me. Much to my relief, Harlowe must have noticed I was uncomfortable and called off the meeting for the night. I only hoped be thought my leg was the source of my grief.

As I walked to my quarters, I hesitated a fraction of a second at Amarinda's door, her vigils snapping to attention when they saw me. It would be nothing for me to go in and seduce her… She would more than likely give herself to me willingly. Not only was I her king and future husband, but I knew well that I was quite attractive to the women of the region. I had heard the whispers of Amarinda's ladies in waiting more than once, and, in truth, it amused me to smile at one of them as they passed, nearly causing them to swoon. I would often catch Amarinda herself blushing under her fair skin when I would complement her looks or dress. I was two seconds away from telling her vigils to let me in, but I simply couldn't do it. Not only was the thought of tainting her pure reputation a factor, but I simply wasn't attracted to her enough to do so. True, she was quite beautiful, easily the most beautiful in the present court, but I didn't care about that.

"Sire," one of the vigils spoke, straightening his back even more. "Is everything alright?"

I nodded, preferring to keep quiet lest my voice betray me and walked away to my own quarters. It was dark inside, a low fire burning in the corner fireplace. The bed had been turned down and my chamber boy stood at the end of the bed. He was young, maybe 12, and he had been sent here last month when his family took employment at one of my regent's homes. They asked for work in return for their only son to be educated and hold a job in the palace. I had agreed, seeing no harm in it. Many families would do anything to get a job inside the castle, knowing they would be taken care of for the rest of their days and all they had to do was keep their heads low and follow orders. Fink was still here being taught by Tobias, so another boy would serve well as a companion for the young ex-thief. They boy, whose name I had forgotten for the hundredth time, stood at attention when I came in and held out my nightclothes.

"No," I waved him off, starting to remove the many layers that came with my royal garb. The young boy moved forward to help, and I let him, learning along ago to stop arguing and let people do their jobs. Soon, I was in nothing but my loose white shirt and trousers. The chamber boy offered me a damp rag from my wash basin and I took it, liking the way the cool water felt on the back of my neck. "That's all. You can go for the night. I am going to the library for a while."

The boy shifted from one foot to the other, unsure if he should actually leave. His job was to stay in my chambers from the moment I wake until the moment I fall asleep, attending to any needs I may have. I sighed, forcing a smile for the young boy. "It's alright. If anyone says anything to you, just let me know and I will deal with them myself." I patted his shoulder. "Now go." As he approached the door I added: "Stop by the kitchen on your way to your room. There were some leftover sweets from dinner. Tell one of the butlers that I said you could have one."

The boy beamed at me, beside himself with happiness. The servants of the palace were well taken care of, but they rarely got sweets unless they went to all the trouble of making them, which most never did. He bowed to me, thanking me three or four times before running towards his treat in the kitchen. I found myself smiling after him for several seconds. Something about him reminded him so much of me, and I was glad he was here instead of where I was at his age. To be completely honest, I always had a soft spot for the children in the orphanages of Cathya, often stopping by or sending extra money or supplies to the men and women ran them, hoping it would be used to better the lives of the unwanted. Harlowe had told me time and again that he was sure the money was being used selfishly, and I knew he was right, but I still sent it. Any small thing I could do to help even one of the children was more than worth losing a few pieces of gold.


	2. Friendly Consultation

I walked slowly down the corridors of the palace, the clink of my boots against the stone floor the only noise around me. I was making my way towards the library, but I really wasn't sure what I hoped to find among the leather bindings. When I got there, I saw Tobias sitting in one of the leather chairs in the room, carefully studying the contents of a particularly thick book. I walked passed him, patting him on the shoulder. The young man smiled up at me in that smile that was uniquely Tobias, gentle and warm as if it were only for you and no one else. "Hello, Jaron," he was one of the few people in the palace who was allowed to greet me by my formal name. After what we went through at Farthenwood, I saw it highly unnecessary for me to be called "your Highness" or "your Majesty" by him, Roden, or Imogen.

"Hello, Old Friend," I said as I sat down across from him. He continued to read whatever was in his book. I bit my lip, considering whether or not I should talk to him about my troubles.

Tobias must have noticed my dilemma, because he suddenly snapped his book shut and sat it down on the table in front of him, his eyes locking with mine. He smiled gently before speaking. "Are you here to learn something from these pages, or are you in search of a pair of ears in which to unleash your twisted tongue?"

I grinned at him then. He knew me well, reading me as if I was one of his novels. "The latter, and I was also hoping to find a scholarly tongue to educate my foggy brain."

Tobias shifted in his seat, looking suddenly concerned at me. "What's the matter, Jaron?"

I sighed, suddenly uncomfortable. Now that I had initiated this conversation, I was forced to carry it out. "Lately, I haven't been feeling well… There's a… discomfort inside me."

Tobias furrowed his eyebrows at me. "If it's something to do with your health, I think the royal physician would be better suited than me to-"

"No, it isn't that sort of feeling," I cut him off quickly. "This is more…" I tapped my temple, "up here." He nodded for me to continue. "It started back at Farthenwood. At first, it was just this… itch. Down here." I laid a hand on my stomach. "Now it had grown into this intolerable ache." I clenched my fist. "It gives me no rest, often heightening at the most inopportune moments."

Tobias looked away for a moment, searching for the right words to use. He looked back at me, his eyes gentle and understanding. "Jaron… It's just a part of growing up. All of us must go through it." He chuckled. "Even I and I'm sure Roden, though you will never get him to admit it." My stomach ached at the mention of my Captain. I really wished Tobias hadn't said his name. "It gets better if you give yourself release…" He faltered a bit, flushing slightly at the delicate subject matter. "I'm sure you're aware…"

I nodded quickly. "Yes, I know about all of that. I read the material. It's just…" I huffed an irritated sigh. "That isn't helping. Not anymore. I need something…"

"More." Tobias finished for me and I nodded again. "I understand." He laughed. "Jaron, you are the Ascendant King of Carthya, to be married to Princess Amarinda and quite popular among the ladies at court. Forgive me for being frank, but I find it hard to believe that you are having trouble finding a… source for your relief."

I laughed with him, a short laugh with little amusement. "You're right. A 'source', as you put it, wouldn't be hard at all to find. I just…" My words faltered.

Tobias picked up for me again, thinking he was reading me like an open book. "Look, I know what you and Imogen had was special…" I looked down and he placed his hand on my shoulder. "She made her choice, and you have to respect it. Had she come back, she would have been nothing more than a servant by day and a mistress by night. You know she would have never lowered herself to that, and I know you would have never asked her too. You must do your best to move on and at least try to be happy with Amarinda."

I placed my hand over his on my shoulder for just a moment, smiling at him as I rose. I couldn't begin to tell him that Imogen was nearly exactly the opposite of who was giving me this trouble. Hell, I hadn't even admitted it to myself. "Thank you, Tobias. You are a wonderful teacher. I'm proud to have you here." And I left it at that, Tobias returning back to his studies as I left the library, slightly more mixed up that when I had entered.


	3. Taking Action

"What am I going to do?" I thought to myself as I paced the halls, not going anywhere in particular. The fire in me hadn't died down, in fact it often got much worse at night, and I had to do something about it. My mind may have been out of ideas, but my body knew what it wanted and it was going to seek it out. I found myself outside of Amarinda's room for a third time that night. Her vigils stood at strict attention yet again. The hour was very late, and I knew just my being outside her door at this time of night was indecent, but something inside me simply didn't care.

The door to her room opened and her lady in waiting nearly bumped into me upon exiting, carrying a bundle of dresses, a few of which I recognized. She gasped upon seeing me, but quickly regained her composure, even curtsying quickly. "Oh, your Majesty. I did not see you there. Lady Amarinda is asleep. Was there something you needed?"

She had no idea the intensity of which I needed… something. "Yes. I need to speak with her. It is of immediate importance, and cannot wait until morning." My statement was a unique mixture of falsity and truth. The falsity: I did not need to speak with her. Speaking was actually very far down on my list of things that I may do. The truth: this could not wait until morning. Not with how fiercely the fire was burning within me now.

The girl raised her eyebrow at me a bit, but her hands were really tied. She was supposed to watch after Amarinda's best interests, but she also had no right to deny the king. That would definitely result in her expulsion from the grounds, and I was in just the mood to do it. She let out a small sigh before curtsying once more and hurrying away. One of the vigils, having heard the conversation and no doubt sensing my urgency, immediately opened the door, granting my access.

Her room was dark and cool, the moon shining in her window was casting a gentle grey hue on everything. And there she lay, on her back under layers of blankets, her face turned from me and one hand resting delicately on her forehead. Any man in his right mind would have been overjoyed to be allowed this close to someone as beautiful and sensual as the princess. Her very presence brought on a soft, welcoming warmth that drew men in like a moth to the flame. All men, except me. Don't get me wrong, I was affectionate to her, but my body simply didn't react to her on a sexual level. I set my jaw, convincing myself that I wasn't trying hard enough. Surely the fact that I had never physically been with a woman was the reason for my inactivity. If we shared an intimate moment, my body would react, wouldn't it? It would have to. There was no other choice.

I crossed the space between us, sitting myself down gently on her mattress. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I had to do something. I had to deal with this urge inside me. Carefully, I reached out a trembling hand, lacing my fingers with the ones resting against her face. She stirred immediately at my touch, inhaling deeply as she was pulled from her slumber. It took her a while before her eyes focused on me, but when she did, a sleepy smile pulled up her full lips. She sat up a bit, her fingers still locked with mine. "Jaron. What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

I smiled back at her. Where did I go from here? Did I use my infamous tongue to charm her, or did I make a move, showing her exactly what I needed to calm my frazzled nerves. I decided it would be decent of me to make some sort of conversation. "Yes, of course. I just…" I decided to lie. "I just wanted to see you." I chuckled, my face felling a bit hot. Maybe a blush would help me in this situation.

She blushed as well, her face turning the softest shade of pink that was absolutely beautiful. "Well… I'm honored." Her face fell and she looked at our hands, studying them intently. "Why now? In the middle of the night like this?"

I bit my lip. I knew the truth that I wouldn't just tell her. My budding sexuality was driving me crazy and I had run here, thinking this as the only respectable way for me to get relief. Instead of using feeble words to try and talk my way into her bed, I decided to just kiss her. Wasn't that the way to seduce women? Wasn't that how it was done in all the romantic literature that lined the bookshelves? I leaned forward slowly on the bed, bringing our faces together until they were simply a whisper's breath apart. She held her breath, waiting for my next move with a quiet patience that I found endearing. And finally, I closed the gap, allowing my lips to press to hers. We were both hesitant, and the kiss was little more than contact between closed lips. I wasn't exactly an expert, and I was sure Amarinda wasn't either. But, to my surprise, she was the one to make the next move. Her free hand came up to tangle in my hair, pulling me down a little closer as her mouth began working against mine with unbridled passion. Soon, I found myself able to mimic her movements with my own lips. Her back arched, curving her to me as if she and I were corresponding pieces of a puzzle. Being as this was my first real kiss, my head went a bit swimmy, but my body didn't have the same reaction. That same ache was there, but neither did it lessen nor worsen. I was at a stalemate.

Amarinda, however, was reacting to our exchange. She sighed into my mouth and I felt her shudder as my lips opened for her and her tongue slipped into my mouth. Clearly, Amarinda had more experience than I gave her credit for, but I did not begrudge her this. She was, in fact, intended for Darius, and I knew my brother well enough to know he had surely stolen his share of kisses from this dark haired beauty. Thinking of Darius now made a pang of grief shake my chest and I felt my heart contract. I had all but forgotten that I was still kissing Amarinda, my lips simply moving with hers, but she didn't notice my distraction. I felt her nimble little fingers tug my shirt from my trousers, and she eagerly ran the pads of her fingers under my shirt and across my firm abdomen. I had to admit, the sensation did feel nice, but that was all. Despite her little sighs and whimpers that showed her passion, I was actually becoming rather bored with this whole exchange. I didn't really see the point? Shouldn't I be in the grips of passion? Shouldn't my manhood be straining for release? Shouldn't I be aching for her internal touch? That's how sex was described in those forbidden trash novels that were stored away in the palace library in a secret alcove, being deemed indecent for the public eye. I couldn't understand why her touch was doing nothing for me. Was it because I wasn't attracted to her? I had no way of knowing.

Finally, she caught on that I wasn't necessarily participating in our exchange and she ended the kiss, her face flushed and her lips wet and slightly swollen as she looked me over. Her face fell and she straightened her back, inhaling deeply. "I assumed…" Her voice was so gentle and soft, as if it would shatter at any second. She looked up suddenly, her eyes smoldering with the dying passion that had filled them moments ago. "What is it that makes me disagreeable to you?" I sensed a harsh bite to her words. She was angry with me for something that I had no control over.

I sighed, taking a long moment to chew over my words instead of just saying what came to my mind. If I was careful, I could skirt around this without causing a row. I had to keep in mind that I was the one to seek her out, so I was technically in the wrong here. "I've never…" I let the words float for a moment in the darkness between us and I saw her face soften with a gentle smile.

She placed her hand on my cheek. "I see." She kissed me again, just a small peck, her lips then traveling across my cheek to my ear. "I can teach you." She whispered, and my breath caught despite my wished. Teach me? Was she insinuating that she was learned in the bedroom? She giggled at my reaction, her hot breath fanning across my ear. "Don't act so surprised, my King." Her voice had dropped an octave and she was practically purring as her hand slid slowly down my clothed chest. "Darius was quite the lover." My nose scrunched up then. She had slept with my brother? I was genuinely surprised by that, and the thought of her and my brother was something I simply did not want to think about. But the vixen kept purring slurs in my ear. Her hand had made it to the front of my pants and she squeezed gently, causing me to quickly inhale in surprise. "I am curious to see just how genetically similar you two are." I wanted to push her away then. She wanted to compare me to my brother? That was ridiculous. I had no interest in learning how he and I stacked up as lovers. Not that it mattered now. He was gone, and nothing could bring him back. I wanted to say something, should have said something, but the surprise of it all had killed the words before they ever got to my tongue. Amarinda had always been a bit of a flirt, but I never knew to what degree until now. She shifted to her knees, pushing away her thick blankets, her lips never leaving my flaming cheeks. She kept coming closer until she was straddling my lap, her nightdress bunched up between her thighs.

"Amarinda…" I placed my hand on her shoulder. This had already gone much further than I had intended, and I didn't want her to get any ideas. When I looked up into her eyes, however I realized that not only had she already gotten the ideas, but she had every intention of acting on them. Tonight.

Her small hand came to the center of my chest and she pushed, not letting up until I complied with lying back on the bed. She was now atop me and I was virtually powerless at this point. I should have been rock hard and eager to be inside her, but I was more disinterested than before and very angry at myself for feeling that way. My mind started convincing me that it would change once I had experienced sexual intercourse, and I readily accepted that theory, desperate for an explanation to the lack of reaction inside me. If Amarinda noticed the thinking lines on my forehead, she chose to ignore them because in seconds her hands were pulling my trousers down enough to free my semi-awake member. I flushed deeply when her face flashed with annoyance for only a fraction of a second. Surely when she was in these situations before, her partner was beyond ready to take her, aching and throbbing for her. That wasn't the case with me, and I realized that Amarinda probably never had to do any more seduction than heavy kisses and light touches to ready her partner. I wanted to laugh out loud and tell her I would prove to be more difficult than that, but I knew that would be harsh. So I kept my mouth shut as her fingers wrapped around my length and she began to stroke until I finally did become erect. To my dismay, I wasn't any more overtaken with passion that when we were kissing and she noticed this. The annoyance was more prevalent on her pretty face, and I had grown even more amused. I wasn't sure why my lack of response to her was so funny to me, but it just was. Seeing her get flustered at the fact that every man in the world was not putty in her hands was like sweet justice to me.

She huffed out a sigh, unsure of whether she should continue or stop, her face brilliant red and her eyes twinkling with wetness. I wanted to shake her at that moment, and the sudden burst of anger was actually shocking to me. She was going to start crying? Really? Did she believe that a few tears would do the trick in sparking my attraction? To be truthful, it was doing the exact opposite and I had trouble quelling my anger as she slid off of me and sat back down, bringing her knees to her chest. I should have probably been more sympathetic, being as we were going to marry one day and be forced to consummate and produce at least one heir, but I didn't have it in me. I stood up, pulling my trousers back into place and stuffing my shirt back inside. I heard the sniffles from behind me and knew instantly that the princess was shedding crocodile tears. I had seen it done before when people asked her questions about Darius. There was no emotion behind them, they were fake and cold and I hated them. I tightened my fist, biting my tongue. I wanted nothing more than to give her a piece of my mind, but I knew that would cause far more harm than good. Thinking it being my best option, I simply left her room, leaving her to her fake tears. I knew that I would have to deal with her rage in the morning, but I wasn't worried about that at the present moment. I had to get as much distance between me and my betrothed as possible.


	4. Midnight Practice

Here I was again, walking down the damned hallways of this damned castle. I didn't have a destination anymore, all I knew is that I was horny as hell with no way to fix it. I considered just going back to my room and trying to relieve myself, but I already knew that wouldn't work. I had already tried that the past two nights to no avail. And now I couldn't even get off to a more than willing beautiful woman! I ended up outside again, walking briskly toward the soldier training grounds that were now empty. I had way too much pent up stress and aggression that I simply had to get it out the only way I knew how, swordplay. I ran my hand over the hilts of the wooden practice swords that hung on the wall in the armory shed, selecting one at random and testing its weight and balance. I swung it a couple of times, liking the way it felt to be wielding a weapon again. I hadn't been in this position since I left the pirates at Tarblade Bay.

"Having a little midnight practice?" I nearly jumped at the sound of his voice. I whipped around to see Roden leaning against the entrance of the armory shed, sneering at me sarcastically.

I let out a breath, grinning back. "I was having trouble sleeping, so I decided to get in some practice. I can't allow myself to get rusty." And I was hoping to blow off some of this sexual tension building up. "I wouldn't want the captain of my army to be better than me."

Roden laughed at loud, the sound sending a tingle down my spine. "Oh no, we would hate for that to happen," he quipped sarcastically. Cheeky bastard. For some reason, I had a stupid grin on my face. I relaxed, only then realizing the tension in my shoulders that started from the moment I heard his voice. He walked across the room, snatching his own wooden sword from the rack. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Care for a partner?"

I nearly groaned out loud. He had no idea just how much I cared to have a partner. I couldn't help the reaction my body was having at the thoughts of Roden being my partner in a play that didn't involve swords. My cheeks suddenly went aflame and I felt a tightness in my trousers along with a dizzying incoordination that came with my suddenly dirty mindset. I turned away a bit, hoping to the devils that he wouldn't notice. "Yeah, sure. Just go easy. Your king is still injured."

He grinned again, going into his fighter's stance. "My king?" He winked at me and I felt a twitch in my stomach. "You look like Sage to me." This was a running thing between Roden and me. He and he alone reserved the unique status as the only individual in all of Carthya that still referred to me as Sage. His reasoning? Because he was Roden and he could. This often confused many of my regents and soldiers who may be in earshot of our conversations, but I think that amused Roden even more. It was as if he and I had our own personal little secret that no one else understood. Of course, this wasn't exactly true. There were several people in the palace that knew well the events that took place at Farthenwood, but it was easier to just let Roden think what he wanted. He could be terribly stubborn.

I took my stance as well, waiting only a moment to lunge forward and strike. Roden easily blocked my attack, and was quick to offer his own blow that caught me in the arm. I swore at him and he laughed, continuing his onslaught. I blocked him easily, both of us grunting as the force of our blows increased. I found myself watching his body move as he attacked me, enjoying the way his muscles moved under that smooth skin… I took a breath, clearing my head. I couldn't allow myself to get over excited. If Roden were to see my weakened state, I would never hear the end of it. Roden recognized my distraction, using it to his advantage as he slammed the dull blade of his wooden sword against my wrist, causing me to drop my weapon. He laughed triumphantly, taking on a slur of curses from me with a grain of salt. He turned his back to put his sword up and I immediately attacked him, both of us falling to the ground in a tangle of swinging arms and legs. We wrestled for several minutes, panting and grunting as our energy depleted. After a couple of punches and kicks, the wrestling match stopped, both of us lying on the ground trying to catch our breaths, Roden hovering above me by supporting himself with his trembling arms.

I became very aware of the firmness at my crotch. I had to get out of here before Roden took notice… I shifted too suddenly to escape his presence and cried out as a terrible pain shot through my leg. Roden's expression shifted from that of playfulness to that of concern and he quickly moved to kneel between my parted legs, his hands gingerly feeling the bindings of my leg. He pressed down too hard with one hand and my back immediately arched as I let out a gasp. He muttered an apology and I saw his eyes flicker to the side, settling on my crotch.

Suddenly, his face twisted with something between concern and confusion. "Oh no…" I thought. "He can see my…" I swallowed as embarrassment colored my cheeks the color of wild roses. The blood was roaring in my ears and all other noises were muted to me. Time seemed to stop all around me, as if the whole world was waiting for Roden's reaction. Would it be one of pure anger or absolute disgust? Would he yell or simply call me a freak? "Sage…" His voice was uncharacteristically soft and shaky, like he was having trouble controlling his vocal cords. "You seem…" His eyebrows knit together a bit. "You seem to be having trouble with more than just sleeping." His eyes flashed up and locked with mine.

We stayed there for countless seconds, looking at each other with identical eyes that were a rich mix of curiosity, confusion, and embarrassment from both parties. When I was able to move, I sat up, pulling my good knee to my chest in an attempt to hide my excitement. I wasn't sure why I did this. He had already seen it. "I-I'm sorry, Roden." I looked down at the ground, feeling the weight of his eyes on me like lead bricks. "I- It's just…" I was searching my mind desperately for something to say, but I was at a loss. "I can't control it. These urges started months ago and-"

Roden put a hand up, signaling for me to stop talking and I complied. His eyes had slowly worked their way back down to my crotch and I felt a shutter race up my spine. His eyes were shining with something that I didn't understand, and he licked his full lips once. "You two?" He looked back up at me, his eyes now soft and full of understanding. "I have been experiencing the same issues." He laughed and rubbed the back of his next. "A few of the soldiers noticed. They took me to this pub just outside the palace."

I scrunched up my nose. "A pub? Intoxication relived your problem?" I had read a lot of literature having to deal with puberty and sexual urges. Alcohol was often mentioned within the passages, but was usually accompanied by an encounter with a member of the opposite sex. I found myself wondering if Roden had already had said encounters.

Roden's face blushed scarlet and he chuckled. "Well... In a way." He saw my confusion, but it was a long moment before he answered. "There are some ladies down at the pub who will... Help men in certain precarious situation."

So he had visited the harlots that scoured the pubs of Carthya. By law, my army men were supposed to arrest people they found selling or receiving sexual acts, but I knew well they a blind eye was turned. Prostitution was a business that managed to thrive in every culture in every part of the globe, no matter how taboo people claimed to believe it was. Roden knew full well that I did not approve of this behavior. In fact, just last week a soldier had been discharged when he failed to show up to drills and was later found drunk in one of the beds at a local tavern. So why was he telling me this?

He saw the displeasure in my face and a quick flash of characteristic anger shot across his face. "Don't judge me, Sage." He gestured to my crotch. "At least I don't have to walk around with that all the time." I flushed and he sneered at me, rejoicing that he actually embarrassed me. Suddenly his face got all serious as he pushed himself up to his feet and offered me his hand. "Come with me," he said suddenly.

I knit my eyebrows together. "Come with you? Where?" I asked as I grabbed his wrist with my hand.

He rolled his eyes. "The pub, idiot. It looks as though you are overdue." He pulled me to my feet with little effort.

I shook my head. "Are you crazy? Could you imagine what would happen if word got around that King Jaron was seen with a harlot at a pub!? I have an image to uphold."

Roden scoffed. "Don't go as Jaron," he said very matter-of-factly. "Accompany me as Sage, a new recruit in the King's Army. We always take new greenhorns there on the first night after their training. They owner will think nothing of it, and the girls don't remember a face as long as they get their money. I know you still have some of your old clothes from before. Put them on and we will go." He raised an eyebrow at me. "Or you could tell one of your regents to find you a concubine and have the whole palace know of your predicament."

I groaned. He was right. I either had to deal with this privately, or have Harlowe find a girl for me, and that was something I never wanted to happen. The sheer embarrassment of even considering the idea curdled my blood. "Fine. Give me- Give Sage 10 minutes. I will meet you at the gate." Roden laughed in triumph as I walked slowly to my room, immensely regretting my decision the entire way.


End file.
